Tree Nuts... Love Em, Hate Em

I have been thinking a lot lately about this video of a sister in Christ telling her testimony about how Jesus healed her from a peanut allergy. Like she was highly allergic and my friend, Tommy, told me that she reacted earlier that week. She was so allergic that even if a jar of peanut butter was open on the opposite side of the room she would break out. I saw her in this video, hold the jar of peanut butter to her face, and scoop this large "fork" full of peanut butter and eat all of it. It was just a beautiful site.
While I was watching that I was thinking, what if as I was watching that testimony that God would heal from my allergy to tree nuts. That would be a miracle. I could eat the foods I have been thinking about and putting in my menu projects and well almost wishing I could eat nuts.

Then I hadn't thought much of that video until me and Rebekah went to go see Les Miserables. There we bumped into Tommy and he told Rebekah what had happened and what's been going on with his internship. Then he prayed over me, and my nut allergy. Honestly, can I say it, as he was praying... I didn't really have 100% faith that Jesus, the Son of God, could heal me. I had doubt.

Doubt. That's the thing that could be keeping me from believing that I am free from this allergy when I am. I mean, I could be even now free from this nut allergy and not even know it cause there's this five letter word taking over my heart and brain.

I have been talking to God, the Holy Spirit. I even at the musical wanted to just take one of Rebekah's pecans and eat it. But I was scared. I still want to do it now...

I can tell you one thing. I would definitely not be able to keep quiet about it. I would have to proclaim it. Cause well, I've been allergic since I can remember. A lot of my friends, even my non-christian friends have seen me break out. Gah, I am crying just thinking about it. IF WHEN they see me eat a tree nut and I AM healed, we can only then do ONE THING to God's name... and that is be glorified.

Glorified by... eating another nut... praising His glorious name... thanking Him... even make my dreams and prayers come true, that I may see my bestest of friends in heaven because they call out His amazing name.

I so ask.
Pray that I would be bold.
Pray that I wouldn't have doubt.
Pray that I wouldn't be scared but TRUST that God has HEALED me.

There are Plenty of Fish Out There

Well, so I have been doing a lot of thinking about this crazy thing called dating. Why is this concept crazy to a 20, almost 21, year old? It's crazy because I have been single my entire life. As crazy as it may seem to some people, and it seems crazy to me sometimes, but honestly I definitely was not ready for a real relationship.

Lately, I have been thinking about dating, relationship with a guy(scary thought right there, lol), but I think, I think I'm ready. Or at least finally ready to have a closer relationship with a guy than I have normally had in my life. Maybe not dating, but something more than just a friend, maybe a best friend. Who knows.

Gah... I don't know, it's just so nerve-wrecking for me to think about going on a first date, just the thought of it is a little awkward. All I know is I need to listen to myself to know when to take things to the next step, I shouldn't force myself to go where I am not ready, even if people my age are getting married.

Everyone's different and I just need to take it at my own pace.

God is Love

You should totally read 1 John 4:7-21 before you read my blog post, but since I know you probably will not, that's ok too. But it's a great section if you haven't read it before.
So "God is love," that is a phrase that is said so many times in the church and by other Christians, but as redundant as it may sound, it's so true.

If you read it, it's mentioned almost every verse. One of my favorite verses that is just so "woah, woah, woah, woah." (lol).
     "Whoever does not love does not know God, for God is love." 1 John 4:8

How crazy is that! If you don't love then you don't know God. To better explain what I felt as soon as I read it, I am just going to copy what I literally just wrote a few minutes ago.

" 1 John 4:7-21 Is an absolutely beautiful chapter or section. It talks about how God is love. And that he loved us first because we love and God is love, therefore we know God. And because we love and when we love others, others see God . It also talks about how when we have love we don't have to fear, for the love God has in us conquers the fears we have."

So I guess if you really wanted to evangelize to others, one of the best ways is to show love to them and well I already mentioned, but basically they will see God. How great is that!

Your Beautiful

As much as I want to go to sleep, I just can't. I just have the urge to worship my Heavenly Father. It basically started with listening to Phil Wickam's song, "Beautiful." If you haven't heard it I definitely reccomend that you listen to it. It's such a great song of worship. And it's caused me to just really worship my Father in all His beautiy and glory. I mean it is Father's Day, so it's only appropiate.

Now it's storming outside. Which is honestly my favorite weather, the lightning, the thunder. It's just another part of God's creation that causes me to look up to Him as my mentor in art. I mean He created it all so why not?

If you can't sleep, why not spend that with me worshipping our God rather than spending it doing something else?

Praise Him for what He's done this past week. Thank Him for everything He has provided or anything. Ask Him for anything that you need. Pray for the church that there would be a down pouring of the Holy Spirit and authentic worship in churces around the world. Pray that God would give you boldness to tell at least one person about Him this week. Pray for your family. Pray for the Soldiers fighting for our freedom on and off the battlefield. Pray that God would keep us from temptation and keep us in Him word to find of the Devil, using the sword God's given us. Pray for the victims of trafficking, labor and sex. Pray for orphans, and widows. Pray for families that are falling apart.

Leave a comment, I'd love to pray for you. :)

End your prayers with more thanksgiving and praises! That's the way Jesus taught us to pray. :)

God's Timing Really is Perfect

As many times as you have heard it from churches, pastors, friends, or family who pray with you during the hard times and they say this.

Things happen for a reason, and God's timing is perfect.

As many times as I've heard it, the second part is so so so true. So many times that we want things to happen the times we want it to happen and we forget to remember that there is a big picture that we can't see. That there is a reason God's allowed us to go through trials, to go through loss.

Just recently in my life God's used his timing in a way that I didn't see the big picture until now. I was working with Yogurtini for about 10 months on the Plaza when I got an opportunity to be closer to home and get a higher pay, and I took it. Then after being at that Yogurtini in Overland Park, I was fired, let go, after a month. A month, you may be thinking what I was thinking,,, how could God use you in that short period of time. Well He definitely did.

While I was at the Plaza Yogurtini, I had a supervisor I worked with the most, and she was definitely a Christian mentor to me while I was in that work place. We talked often about how God was working in our lives. Even a few times we took time to pray before the store opened. I absolutely appreciated having a supervisor, whose faith was so strong.

Then when I got the opportunity to move to the Overland Park Yogurtini, I took that same mentality that supervisor had for me and I wanted to do the same to the employees I was working with. I learned from one of my co-workers just started going back to church. Then a few days before I got fired, she told me that she went to a friends house and saw a Bible on his table, and she said she smiled really big. Then she took a step of faith and asked him if he went to church and he just so happened to say no, and she asked if he wanted to go with him. Now they are going to church together. The afternoon I got fired I called her, so she wouldn't be surprised when she went to work. Then I got a text from her that night said that she would pray for me. I also got a ton of supportive texts from a few of the other coworkers. Alot of them said I was their favorite shift leader, and one even said that if they[Yogurtini Manager/Owner] don't regreat firing you then they don't deserve you. It was just so encouraging.

Then I was looking for a job, cause I was honestly running low on money and I was crying out to God cause I was gettting so frustrated that no one was calling me back. Then I applied for this one job that fit my personality perfectly. Talking to people about children in poverty, and getting paid for it.

Of course as soon as I get almost out of money and I was doubting God would provide, I get a phone call from the Grassroots Campaign, and they told me that they wanted an interview. I went in for the interview the next day. The interview was one of the best ones I was apart of, cause I was truely being myself. And I got the job!

Now I look back and I know that even though I was at that last job for a month it's ok, cause I got to talk to people about my loving father and about the I Am Second Campaign. It was great, and I can't wait to see how God's going to use me while I am at this new job.

So even if things seem bad, things seem like they can't get better or you just can't see the light at the end of the tunnel, well, don't worry it's there. Just keep your eyes towards God and keep praying and have a willing heart to go and do what his heart wants. He has a plan, and His plan involves you loving others, one way or another, and bringing glory to His name.

The 25 Campaign

So since yesterday, April 24th, was Easter, but at 7p I started my first of 25 hours of silence.

So why am I going silent for 25 hours of silence? Well if you have been reading my blog, you will know I am very active with an organization called Invisible Children.

I going silent because of a man whose name is Joseph Kony. He is abducting children and mutilating people. He is forcing the children to become child soldiers and have raping them. He has been doing these atrocities for 25 years. So there's that 25 again, silent for 25 hours for the 25 years this war has been going on.

We, the 1 million plus people participating, are also raising money for the Protection Plan. This Protection Plan is to build radio towers in the isolated villages in Congo, so they have a way to contact other villages of the LRA's location. They will also build a rehabilitation center for these children who were child soldiers and they don't want to go straight home because of the great atrocities they have seen. They are also wanting to put together search and rescue team. So when these children leave the LRA they are someone hundreds of  miles away from their homes and this is a way for the teams to find their families.

So I wanted to tell you how my 25 hours have been going so far.... and I am going to be doing this by what I have written in my journal as the day has gone on, just cause you are most likely going to be getting the feeling I was feeling when all of that was happening. And maybe some stories I didn't record, I hope you enjoy it.

"about 10 minutes into my "25" & I can tell its gonna be hard. But I am doing not to bring glory to myself to be (ham check out how much I rock for doing this). Not doing this for the gloryof IC even though they are doing a great job. I am doing this to bring attention to those in Congo who are basically trapped by the LRA and have no war of communicating for help. Lord help me to keep that as a main focus than to myself.

Lord, I was wondering is what the LRA doing to the child soldiers, trafficking? I know it would be when because they doing things against ttheir will. LORD BE WITH THEM."

"I can honestly tell you that I am not gonna know how it really feels to not have any communication but I pray that You (GOD) would igive me some sense of how they feel."

"Right now it's not as bad as what I expected it to be except it makes me wonder. If I were more popular would it make more a difference, probably.

I mean I'm not saying that I want more friends, it'd be nice... maybe... LOL I'm not honestly sure to know what it would mean to know everyone. But I'm definitely OK with that cause I'm not that kind of person to have or mingle with a large group.

God, I pray that you would be with me the next eight hours.

Right now I feel like I would slightly know what it would feel to not have connection with the world. Sitting here in Down Under at Johnson County Community College. I can't talk to people and most of the time I wouldn't unless I knew them and there is no cell service unless I go outside or upstairs. I do feel isolated if an emergency were to happen and only I knew about it. It would be very hard to get people's attention unless I threw things at them, or ran over to tell them on paper. And wonder if they would respond or thought I was a crazy person and ignore me. then I could imagine the cycle going and by the time I'd get to someone that believed me it might be too late. I wish I could ask Laren if that's how they feel. And them I wonder that as soon as I go upstairs I'll get overwhelming texts and get excited that I would be able to tell people a little bit easier about what happened and what is happeneind and what is going to happen.

I bet the Congolese people are estatic when they get a radio tower. Maybe even at first they wont know exactly what to do with this new thing.

Talking, communications, television, the internet, it's all something we in America definitely take advantage of if we have that ability there were should use it for good rather than spreading lies or gossipping. We should use it to spread awareness about the atrocities of the world."

Welll this all that happened in my journal. :) But we also had an Invisible Children Club meeting and it was very very interesting. Cause well I couldn't talk but other people were because they are kind of new and they didn't know about it. So I was able to tell them about it. I love it!

This was my day.... it may be boring, but it has made a big difference in my life and the lives of those in congo. :) since we raised over $1 million.

About to break my silence in 2 and a half hours! You can learn more at Invisible Children's Website and watch a livestream that's going on right now. Maybe watch some Plain White T's, Mumford and Sons, David Archuleta and others. :)

"Every Captive Free"

Here's the lyrics to Matt Gilman's "Every Captive Free" and after wards I'll be taking stuff from my prayer journal that I wrote about the song and the dream as a parallel in some parts.

God will be BOLD. We are UNDERLINED.

"Every Captive Free" Matt Gilman

For Spirit of the Lord God is upon me
Because He has annointed me to preach good news
Take away all of the sorrows and your mourning
To give the oil of joy and a garmet of praise

For I have seen you in your captivity
And I will open up every prison door
So arise and shine for your light has come
And my glory is rising upon you (repeat)

And I am dancing over you
I am singing over you
Songs of deliverance
And I will set every captive free
And you will be with me (repeat)

I have seen you in your captivity
And I will open up every prison door
So arise and shine for your light has come
And my glory is rising upon you

And I am dancing over you
I am singing over you
Songs of deliverance
And I will set every captive free
And you will be will me

You are mine

I have carried the way of all your iniquities
I've carried the burden of all your shame
I have called you by name
I've called you by name
You are Mine (x3)

My journal comments about the parallel about the song and the dream... and life.

"The Spirit of the Lord God is upon me because He has annointed me to preach good news."
 - This part sticks out to me because i am about to be leading a study at JCCC.

"Take away all of the sorrow and your mourning, to give the oil of joy and a garmet of praise."
 - Just going through this song and comparig it to my dream and now. The craig which normally is a dark room in my dream was so bright. Like so much more joyous and clean like something was lifted, like a burden.

"For Your light has come and My glory is rising upon you."
 - The light again in that room and you, I knew your glory was in that room, on that campus cause in my fream I was worshipping you with my arms held high praising you. And your glory was well within me.

"I have carried the way of all your iniquities, I've carried the burden of all your shame."
 - I mentioned it earlier, I really feel like that room being bright was like a burden being lifted and that room from what I can remember now full of joy and happiness and praise.

Lord I pray that opening and disecting this song will really be what this dream meant and I pray and hope and pray that this dream was prophectic. That You will use me to preach the good news. Lift up our burdens and our iniquities and replace it with joy and a garmet of praise to worship you.

So I hope you get excited as much as I am every time I listen to this song and/or tell someone about it.

"Welcome To JCCC's Student Awakening"

So I had a dream last Friday, March 18, 2011, night. And I absolutely have to tell you about this dream. The amazing part is that I haven't been consciencely been thinking about the out pouring of God's spirit over JCCC is a long time. This is where I want to begin. I can honestly tell you though I don't know what happened at the beginning of the dream, but right before the part I am most excited about I was hanging out with some new friends I had just made at JCCC.

I was walking on "my JCCC campus" (it's mine cause there are parts that look like JCCC and there are parts that I have added to it or maybe they do exist I just haven't been there yet). I remember walking with a group of friends and then I had looked up and saw a sign that said, "GPR" and an arrow going left. Which at the IHOP-KC is the "Global Prayer Room." I remember getting super excited and smiling and jumping and thinking, " Oh my goodness. It can't be it. That's awesome." I followed the arrows and the signs that led me to this room that was reminded me very much of the Craig Auditorium. I remember walking in not seeing Wes, who was the guy that typically led intercession prayers during the Awakening Services at IHOP, but I heard his voice saying, "Welcome to JCCC student awakening." And I looked on stage and to my surprise I saw Matt Gilman on stage smiling. As I looked into the room it was much brighter than the Craig normally is. There wasn't alot of people in there and I well didn't recognize alot of them either. I remember walking in there with my arms raised high praising God for this service and room. As soon as I grabbed my seat Matt started playing "Every Captive Free."

I will post the lyrics of that song soon, but now every time I hear that song it will remind to pray for an outpouring on JCCC or other collge campuses.

I Believe That You Will Come Like The Rain

"I believe that you will come, like the rain.
I believe that you will come like the rain.
You'll come like the rain,
You'll come like the rain."

Ok, so confession time, I have always sang this song knowing that it was a great worship song and I believed that He[God] would come like the rain. I just imagined it being His love covering us, overwhelming us with His love, mercy, grace, and joy. But I never really took time to really know or understand the importance of God coming to us like the rain.

Last night, Friday, March 4, I partook in my friends' prayer meeting at their church. I was not expecting to be moved in such a way, or expected to learn so much. Oh man. That song came on and I prayed it over that prayer room. Then it hit me, I didn't know why it's so important that God comes like the rain. So here's word for word what is written in my journal entry for Friday, March 4th.

"Lord, I pray that You would come like the rain.

Lord I was just wondering what it meant for You to come like the rain. And why it's so important that you come like the rain.

Crops need rain to grow. All rivers and streams are dependent on rain or else a cycle would be dead. Life is dependent on rain or water. Even some cities are dependent on water or rain to survive as a civilization.

If you are like rain then we are like crops that need moisture (your word) to grow. If we are the rivers and streams then we need your rain to keep us flowing Lord. If we arent moving and flwoing the more the stuff in us die out.

Lord this is beautiful. I pray you would come rain in my life. You're so great Lord. Thanks for that revelation in my life. I love it when I understand a new way, a new part of you. Lord you are great. Your love is so high, so deep, so wide that I will seem to never be able to comprehend it or all of you."

Then tonight, March 5th, our teacher just basically reconfirmed all that I just said... except... he pulled Moses into all of this. Remember that story of Moses when he's in the desert and the people are all like, I am so thirsty. The Lord tells Moses to hit that rock with his staff and the water comes out. Now tell me you've never thought that, that story would relate to Jesus... it absolutely does! Whose the rock? Jesus. When the soldiers pierced his side, what came out? Water. What did Jesus tell the lady at the well about? Living water. Our body needs what to survive? It needs water. Jesus is that living water, he is what we need to survive. Woa, right. Oh man! I just love that study.

Next time it rains, maybe you'll think about the Lord coming to us like the rain. I pray that when it does rain, that you would pray for raining over your life or where ever you are at.

Everyone Has a Story... What's Yours?

So I have a friend that's been bugging to hear my story, my testimony, how God's been working my life.

I literally just read and skimmed through all of the journals I've kept since I have lived in Kansas, and those are the ones I still have. But it's just interesting looking back then and seeing myself now.

Ever since I was little, I had always felt alone or always desired to be apart of the popular crowd, but who hasn't. I had been different at church... instead of being full Korean, I was only half. So it was weird, cause not very many people would talk to me. The only people I ever talked to when I went to a Korean church were the half blooded, or muggles, you could say. So I just desired attention from a young age.

You know to me, I seem to hide how I am feeling deep down. I share my feelings that you could have seen in my everyday life. But I remember even in like 3rd or 4th grade talking to my friends about starting diets with them and how we need to loose weight. You could even say that's when I didn't really think of myself as beautiful. I would look at guys and have crushes on them and you would see it constantly in my journals that I wouldn't talk to them, or I was afraid to confront them because I "knew" they didn't like me back. I didn't think a guy would ever like me that way.

I even remember my parents fighting all the time and I absolutely hated it. Mainly because when I would listen, it was typically about me. Which would bring down my self-esteem even more. I just never thought I was ever good enough for my parents. I always thought they loved my brother so much more than they love me. And they loved his decisions even more.

I think that senior year was so much worse. It was just so stressful, trying to decide on schools... mainly trying to make my parents happy. I felt like what ever decision I was going to make had to make my parents happy. It didn't seem like they liked my ideas. I have my entire life loved volunteering and that's where my heart is. Culinary arts took up so much time and left no time for volunteering I just couldn't handle it. I felt me going to a community college would just disappoint my parents. Senior year just had a dark cloud over my life. I had a little before senior year thought about killing myself. I thought about everything from cutting myself (bleeding myself to death), drowning myself in the tub, overdosing on Tylenol, hanging myself, and other things. I always thought that because I didn't do any of it, it made me a coward.

There were times when I wanted to end my life by crashing my car, but I would have on K-love Radio. I would remember I had a rough day at home and at work, and I was driving home, just thinking about my life and how I hated it. God would come in, I remember pulling onto the on ramp for Lackman from Shawnee Mission Parkway that the song, "How He Loves" by David Crowder Band came on the radio. This song just touched me in a way that no one else could except God.

God's continued to use music in my life.

Even though I lived through all this badness in my life, I can tell you during the highs and lows in my life God was always there. He's the one that asked me, "How would your family and friends feel if you left them?" I have always turned to God. I have had a love and a passion for God, and reaching my lost friends. But the devil had a foothold in my life, and that was my self-esteem and how I looked. He could take that and make me weak.

I go to the International House of Prayer in Kansas City. When I went during this time of darkness in my life and would go up for prayer. People would always pray that I am Hephzibah, and I am beautiful. I can honestly tell you that when I would go up for prayer for something else they would pray this over me in my life.

I can tell you honestly that I have some of these thoughts everyone once in a while, but definitely not as often as I did. I praise God for that. I have renounced the spirit of low self-esteem and depression to leave me. I look at my life and I see that so much more happier than I was then. I have so much joy, cause I AM HEPHZIBAH! The LORD does delight in me. I am beautiful. Even if my earthly parents aren't proud of me, I know that there is a heavenly Father that cares about every thing and where my passions lie.

This is my story, and it still continues. What's your story?

Is It Just Talk?

So as a Christian, you are told since basically day one that you really should partake in prayer and reading the Bible. You never really quite understand why until you go through what I went through this week.

I can tell that the past month, or even this year so far has been so amazing. I have been on a walk with God that's been much higher than I have in the past. I have been so hungry for God's word and continual communication with him, and not just at certain times of the day. God has also been placing great people in my life as a example, or people I should be walking along side with in my walk with God. These people are also so hungry for God. They love telling people about God's love, or even just showing them God's love. It's just been a great walk.

Although, I didn't think about it. I woke up Monday morning and well, I felt like I was in a hurry, and I really wasn't. When I got to JCCC, I really wanted to do a prayer walk and really invite people to the Bible study that happened at noon. The devil really tempted me and dug into me, and I gave in. I went and sat in a corner of the school and made cards, I just felt so guilty, so bad. I felt even more upset with myself when NO ONE showed up to Bible Study. I didn't tell Andy or Caylee that I was planning on inviting people, and I felt it was my fault.

I didn't really think anything of it until today. Even Tuesday, I didn't make an effort to pray or study His word. I just felt down in the dumps. But I can tell you that was partially a lie. I worked, so when I work, I leave home an hour early to get to work on time. And I spend any extra time in the library that's right next door and spend that time praying. I did spend some time and it just renewed my spirit.

Then today, I was just so excited cause I remembered out InterVarsity's "reverse bake sale." Yes, that's right, reverse bake sale. What is it? It's when we give baked goods away, when people that stop by and answer a thought provoking question and/or give a prayer request. We are basically wanting to spark up conversations with people and share God's love with them. And pray for them as needed. We did something like this before and it was great. Last time we received prayer requests mainly in prayer for healing and wanting to draw closer to Him; this time they were heart-breaking, at least for me. I noticed though that there are still a ton of people hungry for God. JCCC is hungry for God.

Went off a little bit, but this is just one example of why you should pray and study His word often and daily, if not weekly. It just helps to keep your mind set. I love it.

God bless.

"I Don't Want to Talk About You Like You're Not in the Room"

"I don't want to talk about You, like You're not in the room
I want to look right at You, I want to sing right to You."

This is a bridge or a chorus that Aaron Gillespie sings in "You Won't Relent," and sung at IHOP-KC.

Really, I love these words. They are just so powerful. Simple, but powerful. It made me think. Yeah I know Laura thinking is bad.

I do go to church typically every Sunday, and sometimes on Wednesday, or some other time. But this night, this simple chorus has brought this question into my head: how often do we at church forget that we are singing right to him? Really worshiping the God of the universe. Forget that when we pray, it's a conversation straight to God, and it's not like snail mail that takes awhile to get there.

When we sing, when we pray... we are doing it directly to the Most High's face. His beautiful face. When we lift up our hands in worship, we should be desiring to be touched by God. I don't know, but it would be absolutely amazing to be touched by God and His Holy Spirit.

Think about it, Sunday morning while sitting in church on that chair, pew, or ground... are you going to talk about God like He's not in the room, or are you going to sit next to Him and have a conversation?

Let the Lord move.

I Love ART, I Love CHILDREN, I Love GOD... Why Not Combine The Three?

I can't believe I haven't posted about this idea I've had for about a year now.

"Last night before I went to bed, I was thinking about the Mission trip I took to El Salvador, trying to remember my absolute favorite part. Other than giving the little goodie bags to the kids. I mean I loved watching their faces explode in smiles and to get that on camera, would be amazing.

Although that was a fun experience, I think my favorite part would have been when I found these little girls in this one neighborhood we went to. And I didn't really know what to do other than pull out some paper and my crayons and start to draw and color. I remember drawing stuff and they be so excited that they knew what it was. I remember wanting to keep the crayons to myself in case I got bored another time during the trip. But something in my heart told me to find those girls and give the crayons to them.

So... I was thinking about maybe if and when I go to Swaziland or Nicaragua or any other mission trip, I will take some coloring books, sketch pads, and crayons. And when I see any kids I pull them out and color with them and then at the end of it all give it to them. Give them something to be creative with and show their emotions and what they are thinking.

I also would want the kids to draw like one picture in my sketch book, and then on the back of each picture describe each kid, and have them write their names and then tape a picture of them on it. So I can remember each kid I come in contact with."

Ok, so why I bring this up?

Tonight at Central Church we had my favorite services. When they talk about the mission trip they just went on. One of the stories, included a local artist who taught the children art, and music. Then they mentioned that they went back and gave them art supplies. Then it had reminded me and I think God reminded that art is where my heart is at and where it will always be, the same as children. He definitely reiterated in my heart, cause as soon as they said he did art with kids and they brought him supplies the next day, I thought my heart was going to come right out of my chest, and I started crying... but I guess that's not too unusual for me. The crying part at least.

But now I just feel like I need to go on the next Work and Witness trip and take my art with me. I think that my plan for this fall is to buy as much crayons and notebooks I can buy, with the money I have, and keep saving up so I have as much supplies as I can take with me.

I know this idea came from God. To take my talent and love for art and giving it to the children. I love it too much to not do this idea.

Trust and Answered Prayers

I know I just blogged today, but I really need to say this.

Can I praise God? He's been working my family. I am already seeing a change that I told my parents I saw coming. I notice that they are seeing the change as well, which is making things a little less awkward and scared to talk to them about things we should be talking about as a family. Like my education, job, taxes, etc. I mean there are times when we are still getting angry over little things, and still feel like we need to learn to be slow to anger. But the Lord is working in our lives and our relationships and I praise Him for that. It's a big step to see this family semi-getting along. Praise God!

His banner of me is love. Praise to His wonderful name.

Now I want to praise God for allowing my earthly parents allow me to get the Graphic Design AAS at JCCC. It really really means a lot to me, cause they have always turned down art as a career. But I think Mikeschair helped that. My talents been developing over the years and now it's gonna be excitingly awesome. I praise God for all the networking I have already done when it comes to design, through friends in the business already, and through bands I have given designs to like Rush of Fools, Me in Motion, and Mikeschair. I would love to see my work out there, and seeing people wearing my shirts would be so awesome. What ever the Lord has in store for me and my talent is all that matters and I am excited.

If you remember me. Would you pray that I can find a new job or second job to help pay for school, hopefully starting this summer semester.

Thanks in advance for all your prayers.

Going Back to School

So I haven't been in school for about a semester, gonna be a year at the end of this semester. I just feel, the break was nice and very much needed for me. Now I feel like I need to go back to school.

So, I think I wrote in one of my past blogs about how I talked to a older gentleman at the OneThing Conference 2010, and how I have a passion and I don't want to go to school, cause I want to do all these things. He brought up a good point that I need to develop the talents God's given me. I have a passion for justice for children, art, and music. I would love to be able to combine all three.

I don't know, but I have grown so much when it comes to designing shirts. I remember the first design I've ever done and well it was pretty, I mean yes it was on Paint, but I have done ones later on that were pretty decent.

I just feel like this would be an awesome career or path for me. I am constantly doodling, and sketching and wanting to see these ideas become a reality. And how is that going to happen if I don't have the right training and critics in my life to tell me how to make this better. All I have right now is, "that looks nice," or "I don't really like it, but I'm not sure how you can change it." I feel like that's what I need. I need discipline.

The two places that I want to work for: Invisible Children and TOMS.

Looking at TOMS website in the intern or "agents of change" tab they "look for TOMS advocates who are passionate about the One for One movement and have proven success in college."

And right now if they were to look at my college success, it wouldn't be too pretty. Not a lot of success. But I think that's because I was doing what my parents wanted me to do, and I need to be doing what I want to be doing, and I think that's graphic design, and possibly communications in the future. I have a creative mind and well, I can't sit in a classroom all day where my creativity isn't challenged at least once.

Well... I know this "going back to school" is what God wants me to do. Even though communications is great, I think I will always have art on my side and God's given me that talent for a reason. Now it's just time to develop this talent.

Time to talk, hopefully talk, to my parents about my decision, and if they are up for it then hopefully I'll start in the summer. If that's the case then Invisible Children's San Diego Summit is out of the question, no matter how much I would love to go. I need to start making sacrifices, no matter how much I would love to do something else.

Wish me luck.

Even Though COMFORT Feels Great, Is Too Much Bad?

One thing that's been on my mind and even my heart lately has been this issue of COMFORT.

Yeah it's nice to feel comfortable for a while, but is it good to feel too much comfort?

I personally think so, or maybe that's something God's been teaching me. I have been at Central Church of the Nazarene for about seven years... is that a long time? I don't know for some people it isn't, but for me it feels as if it does. I am a Military Brat and so I have moved alot, well... not as much as I could have. But I've moved enough that ten years in one place is a long time.

Don't get me wrong, I love my church. The people there. But why do I feel a need for change? I feel almost too comfortable. I am really active at my church, but I just don't feel challenged or convicted enough, or like that we aren't talking about things that's been on my heart. Like the book of Revelation. I hear so much about end times and now realizing that I don't know a lot about it myself. I feel like I should know more. How else can I be prepared for the second coming of Jesus, Yeshua. I mean if He were to come tomorrow, even tonight, how would I know. I mean yes, no one knows the exact time of Christ's arrival back to earth, but I feel I should know what's been happening.

But that's another topic for another time when I read the book, I'll be sure to keep you in the loop.

But is comfort bad? I think so... maybe... at least I think I do, what do you think.

OneThing I Desire Is You God

During December 28 through December 31, I attended the OneThing 2010 conference that was put on by the International House of Prayer - KC or IHOP. I think I was excited to go cause I thought it was going to be like the Awakening Services that happened from November of 2009 to October of 2010.

I feel like I need to tell you what happened during the Awakening Services at IHOP to really know why I wanted it to be like that. In November 2009, in one of the IHOPU classes the Holy Spirit broke out. It wasn't like anything I'd ever experienced before. I mean I wasn't at the class when it happened, but I have been to the Awakening Services. The Spirit broke out every night they had this service. Which was 4 days a week, 6 hours a night. So much joy broke over the nights! Miracles, healings, happened... I learned last night that over 7,000 healings happened in an 11 month period. WOW, praise God! Not only that but 17,000 people were baptised during that time as well. Amazing right! I am still so estatic about those numbers. Many people from around the world were watching over webcast. I was definitely one of those when the weather was bad or I didn't have enough gas. You just had to be there. The place was just filled and you could tell.

Now with all this excitement around the Awakening services, you can kind of understand why I was wanting it to be like that. But...

I was wrong. OneThing was nothing like the Awakening Services. I mean yes there were similarities, but it was definitely not the same.

I loved this week sooo much. There was amazing worship, meeting awesome people, and helping out... hey! I can't go to an event really without helping.

Tuesday, Day 1:
Now Misty Edwards was leading worship all day Tuesday, during both sessions. Her sounds are so raw, and annoited. It's just like you are singing to God Himself, or He's singing to you. It's great.

Even though I am an extreme sucker for worship, this day the message grabbed my heart. Corey was speaking about the laziness of this generation. I mean, I've heard it before so I thought ok, I am gonna listen but mainly ignore most of it. But God wouldn't let that happen. As he was speaking about the laziness he pulled out many verses from Proverbs about laziness(Proverbs 6:6-11; 12:11; 13:4; 13:23; 19:15; 20:13). Out of all the verses he pulled out, the last one caught my attention: "Don't love sleep, or you will become poor. Stay awake, and you will have more food than you need." Wow right? He not only brought attention to all these verses, he challenged us to go to bed at 10p, cause anything after 10p or later if you're not doing to benefit God, your spirit is weak and can easily do things it shouldn't. Then waking up at like 6 or 7a. When I heard this I was going crazy! I was like I love sleep, but I don't want to be poor! Wake up at 6a!!! I usually sleep in til 10a - 11a. I know right. But it was just so convicting. And he said your spirit may be awake to what God wants, but are you? Are you ready to make sacrafices to do the will of God? Basically, Your Spirit may be awake, are you?

So convicting I did it the next morning. And my God rocks, I was so awake. It's been too long since I've felt this awake. I was just so refreshed and excited about what God was going to that day.

Wednesday, Day 2:
Day two of the conference and day two of helping at the Forerunner Music table. At this table I was volunteering with an older gentleman by the name of Tom. We were talking and I started talking about how I feel God's given me this passion, this burning passion for justice for children around the world. That's all I want to do. He said woa hold up. I know what you mean, it's great to have a passion, but you need to develope that gift God's given you. He went through a similar situation. He felt God call him into ministry, but he had a fire in his heart for God and didn't want to go to school because he was worried Jesus would come while he was in school. Then he had a similar conversation and a mentor told him that because is taking the time to develope this talent God's given him and if Jesus did come while he was in school, Jesus would reward him for taking the time to develope his God-given talent to better the kingdom.

Then I thought ok, so it's like a bread dough. If you just mix the ingredients and then bake it in the oven you are going to have a very dense loaf. But if you knead the bread dough just enoough at it's peak and where it's the best developed then you bake it, it's going to be nice a soft loaf. That's what we want.

It made perfect sense to me now. I needed to go back to school, now the real question is for what? Communications or Design, or maybe something completely different. It was also great to be talking to someone who isn't going to biased between my parents or I, but is coming from the interest of God.

Thusday. Day 3:
You know I don't know if I really learned anything this day. But instead of writing about nothing, I'll give you parts of the worship song we sang that got me really excited enough to write it down.

"Let me love you more, this is all I desire
Let me love you more, this is all I require
Let me love you more, this is my deepest heart's desire
Let me love you more, still more, still more"
- Jaye Tomas
Friday, Day 4:
The start of this day was bad, getting ready to leave for "work" and I find out I have a flat tire. I borrow my parents car and go to work to realize that I wasn't even suppose to come in til 3p. On the way there I am just so upset and sad cause I can't go to the last service, the New Years Eve Service. I had been looking forward to this night since I registered and now I couldn't go.

Then on the way home from the mistake of showing up at work early, I was listening to OneThing 2009 and what song but "Whom the Son Sets Free." Yes I love this song. It's so true. I was in my car shaking my hands to the song. Shaking off the chains of grief and sadness, and in the song Cory Asbury says "DEPRESSION IS GONE!!!" I mean no I wasn't depressed but I was just disappointed in the day so far. But as soon as he said that I was filled with joy and started laughing, realizing there was no reason to be upset.

Then I get home and I tell my dad about the amazing revelations I have had this week. I want things to change. He doesn't believe me, but I think deep down he knows I've changed for the best.

I praise God, my dad bought me a new tire. Then on the car ride home, I tell him more about what's been going on.

But I just learned from this experience that I need to trust God's plan everyday. Things happen for a reason and God knows the end task. I need to trust just as I would if I were going on a mission trip.

Oh Lord, 2011 is going to be great. I really see joy in my family this year. I pray to God that it would happen.

Basically I was able to make it to the service! I prayed for people, people prayed for me. I meditated and waited on the Lord for a while. Danced for like hours. As I was meditating on the Lord last night, I kept seeing Prayer Warrior in my mind. I also felt a desire in my heart to see visions and dreams or at least an understanding of God more. Then some lady came and prayed over me and she said the Lord told her to come pray for me, and that I was waiting paciently and He delights in my pacience waiting on the Lord. It made smile inside and out.

As I texted my friend this morning about what happened about how I felt like God calling me to be a Prayer Warrior, she said Laura you're already a prayer warrior. Then I told her, well maybe God's wanting me to take the next step in prayer, which I am not sure what that is, but I am definitely waiting to hear what that is going to be.

I am so excited for this new year. I can't wait to see what God has in store for me. I can't wait to see what I am going to learn while reading through the Bible twice hopefully.

May God bless your year.